atmosphere-less

So fast Chinese New Year is just around the corner. But I dont feel any happiness or excitement.
Why? We dont even have a proper reunion dinner.....Maybe because we have a small family....I envy others who have a big family....so people please breed....
From positively point of view, you can say that I am special . From the other way round, I'm weird.....I started thinking, what's making me unhappy all the time, is from my family problems....I feel so lonely because my birth is just "accidental".....I feel lonely....Arrgg......
While writing this, I'm listening to jay's mai ya tang, ok...im feeling ok now :)....